“Hey man, are you good?”
AJ McLean had motive to be involved about Liam Payne. Since manufacturing wrapped on the brand new Netflix music competitors sequence the place they’d met earlier this 12 months, the Backstreet Boys veteran and One Route star had talked nearly daily on WhatsApp — at the least till Payne’s sudden two-week silence early final month.
Plus, McLean, 46, knew Payne, 31, had struggled with dependancy. On the set of “Building the Band,” the place Payne was a star mentor to contestants and McLean the host — the 2 solid an unusually tight bond over their shared expertise: beginning their careers as teen celebrities and later battling substance abuse.
“He was an absolute light, such an old soul,” McLean instructed The Occasions this week, describing the “very older brother” feeling he developed for Payne. “But you could tell you were talking to someone who had seen some s—, who had not lived a normal life.”
McLean, who had his three-year sober anniversary in September, stated he didn’t imagine Payne was utilizing medicine throughout the interval when the Netflix program filmed. He stated they typically spoke “candidly about sobriety, sharing stories and one-upping each other. We could laugh about it all, because if you’re still there to talk about it, that means you’re moving in a good direction.”
Because it turned out, although, Payne was once more preventing his demons. On Oct. 16, someday after McLean texted his closing check-in, the singer fell to his loss of life from a third-floor lodge balcony. Authorities discovered Payne’s Buenos Aires lodge room strewn with drug paraphernalia, and an post-mortem confirmed “pink cocaine,” a mixture of designer medicine, in his bloodstream.
The pop star’s stunning loss of life positioned a tragic highlight on the ups and downs of the One Route member who struggled most acutely to chart a post-boy-band course, and renewed age-old questions on how one can help troubled younger artists caught within the crucible of contemporary fame — in addition to maintain them accountable.
“I feel like there will never be a definitive answer as to why this happened. That’s the most painful thing to sit with. Why now? Why this way?” McLean stated. “But there’s no rhyme or reason when you’re hurting and looking for escape.
“I can torture my brain about ‘Why didn’t he respond?’ But I get it. I just hope people remember him the way he was — a massive heart and a massive talent.”
A photograph of Payne nestled amongst flowers and different tribute objects at a memorial for the late singer in Argentina.
(Natacha Pisarenko / Related Press)
In 2008, 14-year-old schoolboy Liam Payne confidently strode onto the audition stage of the U.Ok. singing competitors “The X Factor.” Sporting the period’s ubiquitous sideswept bangs, he instructed the judges: “I’m here to win.”
With a rendition of Frank Sinatra’s jaunty “Fly Me to the Moon,” Payne confirmed off his immaculate pitch, wealthy vocal tone and a rakish presence past his years.
“I think there is potential with you, Liam,” stated choose Simon Cowell. “I’m just missing a bit of grit, a bit of emotion.”
Whereas fellow panelist Cheryl Cole — the Women Aloud member and future mom of Payne’s son, Bear — appeared charmed, Cowell was much less sure about Payne’s solo star energy. “You’re a young guy, good-looking, people will like you,” Cowell stated. “But there’s 20% missing from you.”
Payne was axed from the present however, undaunted, returned to audition once more two years later. It was throughout that 2010 stint on “The X Factor” that Cowell anointed him a member of One Route, which might go on to turn out to be one of the vital profitable pop teams of the last decade.
However Cowell’s preliminary concern over Payne’s prospects as a solo artist presaged a problem for the younger star as he sought to trend a musical id separate from his One Route mega-fame. After the band cut up in 2016, a handful of its members rapidly discovered recognition on their very own — most notably Harry Types, who has since received three Grammys and had the sixth-highest-grossing live performance tour of all time. Payne, a gifted lyricist and voracious listener, had a steeper climb to search out his personal sound.
Payne, pictured whereas performing in London in 2012, was chosen for One Route after his second audition for U.Ok. expertise present “The X Factor” in 2010.
(Joseph Okpako / FilmMagic)
In One Route, it was typically Payne, born to a working-class household in Wolverhampton, England, who held the group collectively. The opposite members even referred to him as “Daddy Direction.” “When something was going wrong, I’d get a phone call. If there was an apology needed, it was me,” he recalled in 2017. “I was the spokesperson for the band, as it were, with the press and the label.”
He was no slouch musically, both. Payne may virtuosically ad-lib stay by way of the bridge of “Summer Love” or hit piercing excessive notes on a canopy of Michael Jackson’s “The Way You Make Me Feel.” He received extra lighthearted because the band settled in, tussling with Louis Tomlinson in onstage water fights and deadpanning in a banana costume on a European tour.
As a author, he confirmed a definite wit and emotional perception, and he grew into one of many band’s most prolific pens — the collaged pop-lyric conceit of “Better Than Words” was his thought.
But on “Story of My Life,” one of many band’s beloved cuts, he took essentially the most wrenching lyrics for himself: “It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone. … Although I am broken, my heart is untamed still.”
“I had no idea until we spoke about his music that he was such a driving force lyrically,” McLean stated. “When five individuals are put together in a group, the machine generally says, ‘You’re the pretty faces, sing. We’ve got the writers and producers to make this album the biggest thing.’”
Though he might have felt at residence writing music, Payne stated he discovered it tough to adapt to the extreme consideration that got here with being in 1D. As a toddler, he’d been recognized with a scarred kidney — a situation that left him petrified of ingesting. However when docs stated he may imbibe at 19, “The floodgates opened,” he recalled in 2017. After performing for hundreds of followers, he stated, the band typically can be confined to their lodge rooms, lest they be mobbed on the streets. And “the minibar is always there,” Payne stated.
“I wasn’t happy. I went through a real drinking stage, and sometimes you take things too far,” he elaborated. “Everyone’s been that guy at the party where you’re the only one having fun, and there were points when that was me.”
However Tom Krueger, who spent a month with the band whereas working as a director of images on 2013’s “One Direction: This Is Us” documentary, stated Payne stored any struggles beneath the floor.
“Some of them were more standoffish, but Liam always was fun-loving and approachable,” the cinematographer instructed The Occasions. “He was pretty sensitive and empathetic. I would look at him and he would look at me and I wasn’t just a face in the mob — I was a person too.”
One Route members Harry Types, left, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan at an occasion to advertise their 2013 movie “One Direction: This Is US.”
(Koji Sasahara / Related Press)
But on the time, Types was “the Mick Jagger of the bunch — he had this incredible confidence that whatever happened, he was gonna be on top,” Krueger stated. “And some of the others, I felt like they kind of lived in the shadow of that.”
When One Route went on indefinite hiatus in 2016, Payne appeared to reframe his roles as each author and pop star. He minimize some EDM remixes as “Big Payno” and signed to Republic (and later Capitol) as a solo act. He wrote within the One Route e book “Who We Are” that he was “worried about the idea of failing outside of this band,” and stated he imagined a profession in songwriting as a result of “there would be less attention on my life.”
With out his 1D brethren, although, Payne felt much less positive of himself than he’d anticipated. He began going to remedy as a result of he “couldn’t really figure out what was making [him] sad,” he stated in 2019. The analyst requested him what he preferred to do. “I don’t know what I like doing!” he replied.
“I remember standing in my garden at my house and just looking around thinking, ‘It’s been a lot of fun, but what do I do now that’s done?’” he recalled. “‘What actually happens at this point? Who do I call?’”
His loneliness “nearly killed him,” he stated, acknowledging that he got here near appearing on his suicidal ideation: “It was very touch and go at times.”
For a time, Payne discovered the connection he was lacking in his love life. Eight years after auditioning for her as a 14-year-old on “The X Factor,” he started courting Cheryl Cole, a decade his senior, and spoke glowingly about her to the press, recounting how he watched her carry out as a child.
“Now we’re together with a kid,” he gushed in 2017, six months after the beginning of the couple’s first youngster, a boy named Bear. “I feel like I’m ‘X Factor’s’ biggest winner.”
Payne along with his associate, former Women Aloud member and “X Factor” choose Cheryl Cole, with whom he shared a son, Bear.
(Francois Mori / AP)
Their relationship, which lasted two years, was a fixture within the U.Ok. tabloids. “The funniest thing was, a week before we were getting married. The next week we’re splitting up,” Payne stated in 2018 of the headlines. “I just like to think we’re somewhere in the middle. You know, we have our struggles — like of course I’m not gonna sit here and say that everything’s absolutely fine and dandy, because of course you go through different things, and that’s what a relationship is.”
Payne additionally had lately made his first critical dedication to sobriety. In 2017, he started a two-year skilled relationship with Chip Somers, a psychotherapist and sober companion who had been “put forward as somebody who could deal with people with notoriety and could be trusted to do so.”
“There was a great deal of pressure to keep it private, and quite rightly so,” Somers instructed The Occasions. “I don’t believe that anybody should put themselves into a position of pressure in the first year of their sobriety.”
Somers spent nearly daily with Payne, he stated, and as soon as the performer received clear, “He loved it. Like everybody, he came alive. He had fun. He found a genuine ability to just have a laugh.” The therapist stated Payne discovered pleasure in easy actions, like enjoying TopGolf or going 10-pin bowling. When their work collectively got here to an finish, Somers was hopeful about Payne’s sobriety.
Within the following years, as he discovered about Payne’s ongoing struggles, Somers stated he despatched the occasional textual content to his former shopper. However he didn’t wish to push too arduous. “When people know where help is available, they know the people they can ring or contact to get help. Really, you have to leave it up to them,” he stated. “And I think it’s inappropriate to start what would almost be cashing in on their relapse.”
Payne turned the final of his 1D bandmates to launch a solo single in 2017. “Strip That Down,” a bouncy Neptunes- and Justin Timberlake-style tune co-written with Ed Sheeran and that includes rapper Quavo, was a reasonable hit, reaching No. 10 on the Billboard Scorching 100. Nevertheless it was putting for a way overtly it separated him from the band. “You know I used to be in 1D, now I’m out free,” he sang. “People want me for one thing, that’s not me.”
Payne performing in 2017.
(Taylor Hill / FilmMagic)
“Strip That Down” would become his solely top-10 solo single, and simply three different tracks cracked the Scorching 100. His 2019 debut, “LP1,” peaked at No. 111 and spent just one week on the album charts. Payne’s voice — so versatile and highly effective inside One Route’s group dynamic — was extra adrift as a solo act. “‘I had a bit of a problem formulating what was going on in my brain into the music at first,” he said then.
A music video director who worked with Payne during this period told The Times that he had in-depth discussions with the singer’s crew, however realized upon assembly Payne the day previous to filming that “he had no clue what we were going to be doing. It was clear his team hadn’t involved him in any conversations,” stated the director, who requested anonymity as a result of he nonetheless works within the trade.
The director additionally was instructed to make the video sexier to align with a brand new advert marketing campaign Payne had signed onto. “It felt like there was this persona being pushed on him, and I couldn’t get a sense for who he was,” the director stated. “But I did feel this sadness coming from him — kind of like a helplessness.”
Former Payne managers Richard Griffiths, Simon Oliveira and Steve Finan O’Connor didn’t reply to The Occasions’ requests for remark.
Payne was nonetheless feeling the aftershocks of life beneath the 1D microscope as properly. He developed agoraphobia, describing in 2019 how anxious he received leaving the home to order a espresso at a close-by Starbucks.
“I even used to have a really bad problem with going to petrol stations and paying for petrol,” he stated. “I can feel it now — it was like this horrible anxiety where I’d be sweating buckets in the car, thinking, ‘I don’t want to do this.’”
He’d experimented with bouts of sobriety, going one 12 months post-1D the place his solely “vice was cigarettes,” and attended Alcoholics Nameless conferences, one time with Russell Model.
However Payne was paranoid that something he shared can be leaked to the tabloids, and he disliked how his “social life plummeted” when he was sober. He’d get up early to go operating and be in mattress by 7 p.m., he recalled. “And in a strange way I am trying to still figure all that out and get the balance right.”
In 2019, he stated, “Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you do make a mistake or the night does go a little too far. As long as I can get my job done the next day at a capable level I’m happy with, I can just write that one off as a lesson and go, ‘I won’t do that again.’ I still like to go out and enjoy myself.”
For extremely scrutinized boy-band stars like Payne, “There’s a long history of being devalued except for the money you can make for someone. It’s very easy to develop an addiction to get through the day,” stated Allison McCracken, a scholar at DePaul College who research intense pop fandoms. “It’s very difficult to stop when your sense of self-worth is tied up in what made you a star. If you don’t have a strong support group to say, ‘This is a problem,’ and that other things about you are worthwhile too, it’s very difficult to stand up for yourself.”
Payne started courting Maya Henry after his cut up with Cheryl Cole. Right here the pair attend the 2021 BFI London Movie Competition.
(Joel C. Ryan / Invision / AP)
Payne was additionally within the throes of a tumultuous new romance. In September 2019, he started courting Maya Henry, a 19-year-old mannequin who made headlines as a young person as a result of her quinceañera price $6 million. Only a few months into their relationship, TMZ posted video of Payne preventing with the employees of a Texas bar close to Henry’s residence. “I swear to God, I will lay your ass out,” Payne yelled on the bouncers within the clip.
Henry and Payne would later get engaged, however by Could 2022, the couple referred to as it quits for good. Payne stated their on-and-off once more relationship left him feeling “disappointed in myself that I keep on hurting people. That annoys me. I’ve just not been very good at relationships. … I just need to work on myself before I put myself on to somebody else.”
As within the aftermath of his marriage to Cole, romantic issues appeared to create a brand new private {and professional} resolve in Payne. After a couple of years of one-off collaborative singles, like 2020’s “Midnight” with EDM star Alesso, in 2023 he alluded to a brand new album in progress. That July, he posted a video on his YouTube web page discussing his renewed focus, telling his followers he was six months sober after a 100-day rehab stint.
The brand new dedication, he stated, started whereas attending a Hans Zimmer live performance in Dubai, the place he appeared on the drink in his hand and thought: “You know what? This isn’t really serving me at all. I don’t really need this right now.”
A number of days after his YouTube confessional, he went into extra element on Instagram in regards to the “manic” emotions he was combating. Sometimes, he stated, he’d lose his sobriety throughout these moments, however stated he was now beneath the care of “some amazing people around me that kind of look after me.”
“I’ve filmed this same video about 20 times at different points this year and got too scared to put it out by talking myself out of it,” he stated. “I wanna give any of you struggling the gift I was given by sharing some of the things I learned from specialists whilst I was away. … first thing I did every day was check in and it’s important you don’t bottle up how you feel.”
He’d additionally begun to restore relationships along with his outdated band, showing on the premiere of Tomlinson’s documentary and applauding Types’ win for album of the 12 months on the Grammys. ”I’ve suffered a little bit of a darkish time in my life in the mean time. Truthfully, I wouldn’t be right here with out the boys,” he stated at Tomlinson’s premiere.
Payne’s closing single, “Teardrops,” was launched in March 2024. The music showcased his full excessive vocal vary and featured an admission of his failures and vulnerabilities as a associate: “I don’t know how to love you when / I am broken too / Maybe your words make sense / I could be the problem, I’m so sorry.”
But behind the scenes, his future as a industrial solo act was unsure, as Payne had lately cut up from his label, Capitol Data.
A consultant for Common Music Group and Capitol declined to remark, however sources accustomed to the state of affairs stated that the label and Payne’s administration had disagreements about Payne’s musical path, and Capitol was involved about sending Payne on tour, given his latest struggles with substance use. A month earlier than his loss of life, Payne and the label had parted methods.
“We are devastated by the tragic passing of Liam Payne,” Capitol stated in a press release posted on-line. “His legacy will live on through his music and the countless fans he inspired and who adored him. We send our deepest condolences to Liam’s family and loved ones.”
An illustration from Maya Henry’s novel “Looking Forward,” which the creator has stated was “definitely inspired by true events.”
(Thomas Warming)
Within the weeks main as much as his loss of life, Maya Henry had been more and more vocal on-line about what she described as a poisonous relationship with Payne. The revelations started in Could of this 12 months, when Henry revealed a novel referred to as “Looking Forward,” which she described as “definitely inspired by true events.”
The e book follows a mannequin named Mallory who falls for Oliver Smith, a former member of a boy band referred to as 5Forward! Oliver is an addict, alternately abusing alcohol, MDMA, cocaine and prescription drugs. At one level, he chases her with an ax. And in a single significantly disturbing scene, Oliver will get intoxicated, begins repeatedly hitting himself within the face and rushes towards the balcony sobbing. Mallory pleads with him to come back again inside.
“I’m gonna f— kill myself, okay? I want to die,” Oliver says.
In an interview previous to the e book’s publication, Henry stated she had “rose-colored glasses” throughout their relationship.
“When you’re in those situations, they kind of become normal to you. These things start happening, and it just becomes normalized in your head,” she says. “I just became so desensitized to everything going on that I was like, ‘OK, this is my relationship, and this is how it’s going to be.’ And I feel like once you get out of [it], you’re really like, ‘Oh my gosh, what was I doing, and why was I there?’”
By means of a publicist, Henry declined to remark for this story.
Followers of former One Route singer Liam Payne collect on the Obelisk to honor him someday after his loss of life at a lodge in Buenos Aires.
(Victor R. Caivano / AP)
The way forward for Payne’s posthumous music and tv work stays unsure. Payne’s producer Sam Kilos determined to withdraw a deliberate new single, “Do No Wrong,” after intense fan pushback. “Today I’m deciding to hold ‘Do No Wrong’ and leave those liberties up to all family members. I want all proceeds [to] go to a charity of their choosing (or however they desire),” Kilos wrote. “Even though we all love the song it’s not the time yet. We are all still mourning the passing of Liam and I want the family to morn [sic] in peace and in prayer. We will all wait.”
For now, these near Payne are attempting to make sense of his loss of life, together with whether or not there was extra they may have accomplished to intervene — whereas hoping that his chaotic closing days won’t wholly outline his legacy.
As Somers put it, remembering the “fragile, gentle young man” he’d helped get sober again in 2017: “I think to judge anybody on a night when they are very intoxicated would be a tragic mistake.”
Employees author Jessica Gelt and researcher Scott Wilson contributed to this report.