The vacations provide many alternatives for awkward moments. Political discussions, after all, maintain loads of potential. However any time opinions differ, the place estrangements have brought on lingering rifts, or when behaviors veer towards the inappropriate, awkwardness can set in.
Awkwardness is what occurs in social interactions once you immediately end up and not using a script to information you thru. Perhaps the scenario is new or catches you off guard. Perhaps you don’t know what’s anticipated of you, otherwise you aren’t positive what position you’re taking part in within the social drama round you. It’s characterised by emotions of self-consciousness, uncertainty and discomfort.
As a thinker who research ethical psychology, I’m taken with awkwardness as a result of I needed to grasp the methods social discomfort stops folks from partaking with tough matters and difficult conversations. Awkwardness appears to inhibit folks, even when their ethical values counsel they need to converse up. But it surely has a constructive position to play, too – it might alert folks to areas the place their social norms are missing or outdated.
Individuals usually blame themselves when issues take a flip towards the awkward. However awkwardness is mostly a collective failure – folks aren’t awkward, conditions are. And so they turn into awkward since you don’t have the sources to navigate your method by tough social conditions.
Awkwardness is commonly confused with embarrassment, however the two are completely different in essential methods, and so are their cures. Embarrassment is a response to a private failing or gaffe, and the best response is to acknowledge it, personal it and transfer on. As a result of awkwardness is brought on by a scarcity of social steerage, you may attempt to anticipate and head it off earlier than it occurs, or you may reply to it by making an attempt to develop higher or clearer social scripts that can assist you – and others – navigate related conditions sooner or later.
After researching and writing a whole e book on awkwardness, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not one thing we will – or ought to – keep away from altogether. However there are just a few methods folks can use to attenuate awkwardness and cope with it when it does, inevitably, occur.
1. Know your objectives, know your roles
Uncertainty is the oxygen of awkwardness. Earlier than you interact in a probably awkward or contentious interplay, ask your self: What do I wish to get out of this?
If you’re clear in your objectives for the interplay, not solely are you higher in a position to carry out your position in it, however you’re additionally giving clearer alerts to others, serving to them carry out their roles within the unfolding social drama.
So, for those who’re anxious it’ll be awkward when your uncle begins in on his annual political rant, take into consideration what you need the end result to be. Do you wish to persuade him he’s mistaken? Unlikely to occur. Would you like different relations to really feel much less anxious? Would you like your personal views to be heard?
I’m not suggesting that some forethought will make issues go easily or assure that nobody’s emotions might be harm. However it’s going to show you how to really feel extra assured in your potential to navigate towards your required end result.
Serving dessert might present a lifeline to somebody searching for a diversion.
Drazen Zigic/iStock by way of Getty Photos Plus
2. There’s no ‘I’ in awkward
Awkward conditions breed intense self-consciousness. That is each uncomfortable and counterproductive. By specializing in your self, you’re not attuned to the folks round you or the alerts they’re sending – alerts that would give you a pathway out of the awkward scenario. So be sure to’re listening to the opposite gamers within the drama, not simply your personal discomfort.
3. Plan, coordinate and be specific
Individuals accomplish that a lot planning in different areas of their lives, but they anticipate social interactions to simply circulate effortlessly. However like a trip or a hike within the woods, typically a dialog goes higher once you strategy it with a map. Have some go-to matters or questions at hand.
And also you don’t must go it alone. In case you’re anxious about broaching a delicate matter, or interacting with a very prickly visitor, coordinate with a good friend or relative.
In case you anticipate to see somebody with whom you’ve gotten an unresolved relationship – an estranged member of the family, an outdated good friend you ghosted – attempt to do some prep work prematurely. Emails or letters can provide folks an opportunity to course of reactions with out placing them on the spot.
Even having a scripted exercise on deck could make issues much less awkward. It doesn’t must be something formal, like a board recreation. Simply maintain some duties obtainable for friends who may in any other case lurk uncomfortably – like shaking up the salad dressing or placing forks on the desk.
4. Chortle it off
If, regardless of your finest efforts, awkwardness does strike, provide folks a method out – they’ll in all probability seize it. This doesn’t have to be momentous; it might be a little bit joke, a small-talk matter, and even – and provided that issues get very determined – knocking a spoon off the desk to interrupt the silence.
5. Take into account the options
These methods may show you how to keep away from awkwardness. However take a second to contemplate whether or not you actually wish to. Awkwardness is the results of social uncertainty; it slows issues down and curbs your confidence.
In its absence, different feelings can set in. Having issues out within the open generally is a aid, however it might additionally result in anger, unhappiness and different emotions which may finest be saved for an additional event.
So if issues are awkward, it’s value wanting round to see what position that awkwardness is taking part in, and what may take its place if it’s gone.