Think about you’ve deliberate the journey of a lifetime in your animal-loving household: a cruise to Antarctica with the distinctive alternative to view penguins, whales and different uncommon wildlife. Your adventure-loving children can kayak by fjords, plunge into icy water and camp below the Antarctic sky.
However reasonably than being ecstatic, as you anticipated, your children whine about skipping an after-school scout assembly at a neighbor’s home. Lacking this unusual weekly occasion triggers such intense FOMO – “fear of missing out” – for them that they don’t need to go in your wonderful expedition.
If this sort of debacle sounds acquainted to you – or no less than in the event you discover it perplexing – you’re not alone. The three of us are advertising and marketing professors and social psychologists who give attention to how shoppers make selections and the way this shapes well-being. We’ve been finding out FOMO for over a decade and not too long ago printed our work within the Journal of Character and Social Psychology. Through the years, we’ve realized what actually drives intense emotions of FOMO – which explains why a run-of-the-mill assembly would possibly really feel extra essential than an over-the-top trip.
FOMO’s actual set off
Individuals use the time period FOMO in many various methods. In our analysis, we give attention to a really particular kind of FOMO: the type that happens when individuals miss out on occasions that contain valued social connections.
With this sort of FOMO, we discovered that the ache of lacking out shouldn’t be associated to lacking the precise occasion or alternative – though that could possibly be there as nicely. The FOMO we research occurs when individuals miss the prospect to bond with buddies, co-workers or teammates they care about.
So, the important a part of FOMO is lacking out on interactions with individuals you worth. FOMO a couple of group dinner at a restaurant isn’t actually concerning the meals and nice lighting. Neither is FOMO a couple of live performance simply concerning the band’s efficiency. As an alternative, it’s concerning the misplaced alternative to attach and make recollections with people who find themselves essential to you.
Why is that this upsetting? Think about the state of affairs the place all of your finest buddies exit to dinner with out you. They bond and make lasting recollections with one another – and also you’re not there for any of it.
In the event that they get nearer to one another, the place does that depart you? What occurs to your social relationships and your sense of belonging? Do you develop into a much less essential buddy? Much less worthy of future invitations? And even kicked out of the group altogether? The anxiousness of FOMO can start to spiral.
Individuals with what psychologists name an anxious attachment type chronically worry rejection and isolation from others. As a result of FOMO entails anxiousness about future social belonging, it could not come as a shock that people who find themselves naturally extra anxious about their friendships are inclined to get extra intense FOMO. Once we requested individuals in considered one of our research to scroll social media till they encountered one thing social they missed, we discovered that the extra anxiously hooked up a participant was, the extra intense FOMO they skilled.
They’ll all the time do not forget that summer time cookout – and also you weren’t there.
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Not simply lacking Coachella
Getting FOMO for a tremendous occasion you possibly can’t attend is smart. But when FOMO is much less concerning the occasion itself and extra concerning the social bonding, what occurs if you miss one thing that’s not likely enjoyable in any respect?
We discover that individuals anticipate FOMO even for unenjoyable missed occasions. So long as there may be some type of missed social bonding, emotions of FOMO emerge. Certainly one of our research discovered that individuals anticipated extra FOMO from lacking an un-fun occasion that their buddies can be at, than a enjoyable occasion with out their buddies.
For higher or for worse, unhappy and hectic occasions can usually be emotionally bonding: Going to a funeral to assist a buddy, cleansing up the mess after a celebration, and even white-knuckling by a harrowing initiation ceremony can all supply alternatives to forge stronger connections with each other. Hectic contexts like these may be fertile grounds for FOMO.
Learn how to fend off FOMO
Common discussions concerning the damaging penalties of FOMO are inclined to give attention to the FOMO individuals really feel from compulsively scrolling on social media and seeing what they missed out on. Consequently, a lot of the advised recommendation on find out how to mitigate FOMO facilities on turning off telephones or taking a trip from social media.
These suggestions could also be robust for many individuals to execute. Plus, they handle the signs of FOMO, not the trigger.
Our discovering that the core of FOMO is anxiousness about missed social relationships yields a less complicated technique to fight it: Reminding your self of the final time you linked with shut buddies might present a way of safety that staves off emotions of FOMO.
In an experiment testing a number of interventions, we requested 788 research contributors to look by their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. We requested about 200 of those contributors to instantly price how a lot FOMO they had been feeling. They averaged a 3.2 on a 1-to-7 scale.
One other group of about 200 contributors additionally scrolled by their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. However earlier than indicating how a lot FOMO they had been feeling, we requested them to suppose again to a previous expertise socializing and bonding with their buddies. Encouragingly, this reflection train appeared to curtail FOMO. Their common FOMO score was 2.7 out of seven, a major drop.
Reminding your self about different good occasions along with your friends will help maintain FOMO at bay.
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With the remaining contributors, we examined different methods for mitigating FOMO – fascinated by the subsequent time they may see their buddies or imagining what they’d say to a FOMO-suffering buddy – however the easy reflection train was by far essentially the most promising.
So, reminding your self of the significant relationships you have already got and reaffirming your social belonging within the second might assist fight the frenzy of hysteria that’s attribute of FOMO.
And lacking out on social bonding experiences doesn’t need to be anxiety-provoking. In truth, in our activity-packed, hectic lives, lacking some “must-attend” occasions could also be a welcome aid – particularly in the event you remind your self that your social belonging shouldn’t be in jeopardy. Cue a latest wave of counter-FOMO programming known as JOMO, or “Joy of Missing Out.”
To cite Stuart Smalley, the fictional self-help guru of Nineties “Saturday Night Live,” reminding your self that “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” may be simply the trick to mitigate FOMO.
