Earlier than I met Tony, I had written off the concept of falling in love in Los Angeles. Courting on this metropolis felt like an exhausting sport I didn’t need to play anymore — one filled with superficial encounters and other people extra excited by networking than connecting. It at all times felt like everybody was chasing somebody simply barely extra spectacular than the final. Or reasonably, somebody with extra followers.
I used to be attempting to complete legislation college and hold my head above water. Romance? That felt like a luxurious for somebody with extra free time, extra vitality or much less on their plate.
Tony was the final particular person I ever anticipated to fall for.
We met whereas working at Amoeba Music, the enduring Hollywood document retailer that appears like a dusty cathedral for audiophiles and getting old punks — or at the very least the previous location did. On the new retailer on Hollywood Boulevard, I used to be there for a job, not a love story. Tony had simply returned to the shop, freshly sober, needing what he referred to as a “get well” job. He’d labored at Amoeba Music on and off for 15 years whereas touring along with his band — his life seemingly a chaotic swirl of sound checks, dive bars and reinvention.
He was loads older than I used to be and outgoing, wild, beloved by everybody. I’m reserved, shy, targeted. It felt like we have been from completely different planets.
However slowly one thing shifted.
Between shelving data and clocking in for shifts, we began to speak. Then joke. Then snigger. I spotted that beneath his boisterous floor was the kindest, most caring man I had ever met. We linked over our mutual love of flicks and the way we each felt extra alive within the smooth hush of a darkish theater than wherever else on this planet.
We’d spend our nights off catching double options on the New Beverly, taking in moody indies on the Vista or planning our weekends round midnight screenings on the Alamo Drafthouse. Our first “non-date” date was a midnight exhibiting of “Kill Bill” on the New Bev. Sitting beside him in that tiny, red-velvet theater, watching Uma Thurman’s character slice her manner via betrayal and heartbreak with a katana, I felt one thing sudden stir in me. It was violent and stylized onscreen, however beneath all of it was a girl reclaiming her energy — and possibly that’s what I felt too. It felt like the start of one thing.
Tony and I didn’t at all times like the identical movies. He cherished massive, daring motion pictures like “Aliens,” and I leaned extra towards grounded dramas, the form of emotionally messy tales Paul Thomas Anderson tells. However we each cherished the expertise of going to the films and speaking about them afterward, breaking them down scene by scene over late-night espresso or fries at Swingers.
The second I spotted my emotions have been greater than pleasant got here slightly later. Tony was speculated to see Iggy Pop on the Hollywood Palladium one evening. However earlier that day, he casually requested me, “If my plans fall through, would you want to hang out?”
I mentioned positive, not considering a lot of it. In response to him, when he informed me that he couldn’t get a last-minute ticket, I mentioned, “Good.”
It was a quiet, telling phrase. Good. As a result of I wished to see him. As a result of I preferred him.
We ended up at Lily’s Bar on the Adler a Hollywood Hills Lodge — simply up the road from Amoeba. It’s the spot the place so many little moments between us had gathered. The bar was darkish, intimate, tucked into Hollywood in a manner that nearly appears like a secret. We talked for hours. Sooner or later, I informed him I had emotions for him. We kissed.
I couldn’t consider that kiss occurred. He was every thing I wasn’t — daring, unpredictable, magnetic in a manner that made individuals orbit round him. Falling for somebody like him felt like stepping off a ledge with out understanding what was beneath. I used to be frightened of what it would imply. What if we have been too completely different? What if I misplaced myself in his potential chaos or he bought uninterested in my quiet corners? Regardless of each warning bell in my head, I couldn’t deny what was pulling me towards him. And once we lastly kissed, it wasn’t only a kiss. It was a give up to the concept that love doesn’t at all times present up trying as you imagined.
I want I may say I walked away that evening feeling sure and safe, however I didn’t. I used to be terrified. I used to be nonetheless in legislation college, nonetheless looking for my place in a metropolis that usually felt prefer it was chewing me up. I felt like a child. How may I be prepared for one thing critical with somebody a lot older and so seemingly completely different?
However right here’s the factor: He didn’t have all of it found out both.
We have been two individuals from completely different worlds who occurred to crash into one another in the identical nook of Hollywood. We had no street map. Simply this unusual, stunning factor rising between us and a mutual willingness to see the place it would lead.
Two years later, we’re nonetheless figuring it out. Collectively.
We dwell in Hollywood, not removed from the place all of it started. We’ll stroll previous Amoeba generally and keep in mind that model of ourselves: me, burned out and bracing for extra disappointment; him, attempting to heal and rebuild. We’ll cross the Adler, and I smile on the considered that first kiss and the lady who virtually talked herself out of taking an opportunity on one thing actual. Or we’ll drive previous the New Bev, take a look at what’s enjoying and surprise if it’s value staying up till 2 a.m. once more.
I by no means thought love would appear like this: a man who’s been all over the place, is aware of everybody and has tales tucked into each bar and theater in L.A.; and me, somebody who has principally stored her head down, attempting to only get via all of it. However one way or the other, we discovered a rhythm. A quiet, regular beat beneath the noise of this metropolis.
Love didn’t arrive in Los Angeles the way in which I anticipated it to. Nevertheless it arrived anyway.
