What a jerk, I believed, after Clark yelled at me once more to tug sooner on the sailboat’s strains to maintain tempo with the modifications of the wind as we headed to open water from Marina del Rey. “I’m never going on another date with this guy again!”
However what do I learn about crusing? Though I grew up within the Nice Lakes area, I’d by no means sailed earlier than and didn’t understand there are not any passengers on a sailboat — solely crew. I’d simply moved to Los Angeles from Detroit after leaving a first-job stint in Switzerland. Each locations had been too chilly for me, so no surprise L.A. was irresistible. Each January the nationally televised Rose Parade proved that even winters would reliably be 72 levels and sunny.
L.A. was the place the place this Motown gal believed her goals of recent beginnings with joyful endings may come true. I met Clark on Venice Seaside. And, no, he wasn’t a weightlifter, chainsaw juggler or a magician like the opposite acquainted fixtures on the Venice boardwalk. When he emerged from the ocean surf together with his boogie board beneath his arm and aimed his 1000-watt smile at me watching him from my towel on the sand, I mused, “Oh, yeah, these West Coast boys are alright.”
Our first date after that meet-cute was a day of crusing the following week. Earlier than the rendezvous with Clark on the boathouse, I’d handled myself to a manicure. Massive mistake! I quickly discovered that it’s unattainable to tug on the “ropes” of sails with simply the information of my fingers to vainly attempt to defend my recent mani. Clark didn’t respect the nails; he shouted maneuvering instructions that clearly conveyed his priorities had been solely pragmatic. After the debacle of our preliminary outing, Clark reactivated his attraction, so I gave him one other likelihood, and we dated time and again. A picnic and live performance beneath the Hollywood Bowl stars. The Pantages Theatre for a Broadway present. Lobster dinner in Puerto Nuevo — a protracted drive to Mexico, however value it.
Clark continued to captivate me together with his wry observations concerning the world, his inclination to be a jokester and even the goofy items meant to indicate he was a romantic at coronary heart. I’m sorry to say that the six-pack Valentine’s present of engine oil for my hemorrhaging VW didn’t fairly make the reduce. Nonetheless, roses on my birthday, coinciding with the anniversary of our notorious crusing date and our exchanges of “I love you,” did endear him to me. Two years into our monogamous courting, I questioned the place we had been headed. I’d by no means been in a gentle relationship that lasted greater than six months — till now.
He’d been married earlier than, for lower than two years. And but I used to be afraid to convey up the subject of marriage in case the reply precipitated yet one more casualty in my portfolio of failed romances.
Till one Sunday evening.
After spending one other consecutive weekend with Clark at his place, I used to be dreading my regular return drive residence over the Sepulveda Go and into the Valley. In some way the burning want to only know what his intentions could be gave me the braveness to pop the query: “Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
His reply crushed me. “You know I was married once, but that didn’t work out. It hurt to uncouple our lives from our dreams.” He paused. “And now you are my special love. I couldn’t be happier with our relationship, and everything is wonderful just as it is. But … no, I don’t want to marry again.”
I felt dizzy from the visceral ringing in my ears as all I heard time and again was “no.” I don’t bear in mind precisely what both of us stated after that, however I used to be clear about what I wished: I wished to be married to him, my greatest pal. Not now, however sometime I wished to introduce him as greater than the person I dated. I couldn’t detach my goals from the day-to-day connections we had already constructed. And if I’d by no means be his spouse, then it wasn’t sufficient.
It was over for me.
I drove mindlessly towards residence. I replayed the breakup time and again as West Los Angeles retreated farther and farther away. In some way I made it safely to the little bungalow I shared with Heather, my rescue cat. I hugged her shut, considering now she would see extra of me on the weekends as a result of Clark had been too allergic to cats to remain at my place. Actuality hit, laborious: He would not be a part of my life.
Decided to place the weekend behind me, the following morning I ready for one more busy Monday of seeing sufferers. I walked briskly into the workplace, however the cheerful dentist I labored for took one have a look at my face with my eyes puffy from crying and requested, “What happened to you?”
Sniffling, I shared how and why I had damaged up with Clark. My boss shrugged and quoted an outdated saying: “No need to buy the cow when the milk is free.” Gee, thanks for that.
As I used to be leaving for lunch at residence, Dr. Comfortable Sayings bolted from his workplace and referred to as out, “You can’t go! Clark is coming over.”
Earlier than I may react, Clark was there, beckoning me outdoors. As he took me in his arms, my tears began anew. He begged me to cease crying and defined that he had by no means thought of marrying once more till I stunned him by asking if he ever would.
Clark admitted that if being married was what it could take to spend the remainder of his life with me, then sure — sometime, sure, we might marry. That promise was sufficient for me, as one other 12 months handed and not using a wedding ceremony. After I was accepted into graduate college at UCLA, I retired as a dental hygienist and moved in with Clark. Heather moved in with an allergy-free Englishman in San Pedro, the place she lived fortunately ever after. My fortunately ever after began quickly sufficient.
My first 12 months as an MBA scholar was a gold mine of leisure as I regaled Clark with tales of the hookups between classmates. Later I joked that he couldn’t slip an engagement ring onto my finger quick sufficient. I additionally teased him that he had waited till he was sure I landed job post-graduation earlier than setting the marriage date. We determined to forgo conventional nuptials in favor of a civil ceremony, splurging as a substitute on an prolonged celebratory journey in Europe.
That summer season my recollections of the frosty winter after I’d labored in Switzerland pale with Clark by my aspect. In all places felt heat with bonhomie because the locals wished us an Ausgezeichnete Hochzeitsreise, or Glorious Honeymoon.
From an out of doors terrace in a lakeside Alpine village, we watched catamarans and windsurfers lean into the wind and fly throughout the water under. Clark held me shut and requested if I’d prefer to go crusing. I simply grinned and answered, “No, I don’t think so. … Everything is wonderful, just as it is.”
The creator, who lives in Culver Metropolis, remains to be married to the erstwhile sailor, however she now sculls at UCLA’s Marina Aquatics Heart. She returned to her alma mater as an govt coach for MBA college students on the UCLA Anderson Faculty of Administration. She writes a weekly column for them concerning the ups and downs of careers and management. You could find her on LinkedIn at linkedin.com/in/pamschulz.
